Someday...
I am sure that my thoughts are nothing new. I am sure that many artists find themselves thinking about similar situations. Somedays I find myself more positive in my thinking. I believe that my paintings will be hanging in a gallery (hopefully my own at some point), that I will have a solo art show in New York City and that my paintings sell out in that show ( I have watched Great Expectations too many times; Ethan Hawke's first exhibit sells out). I have all kinds of thoughts like that. Good thoughts. And other days I struggle.
Sometimes I feel like I run an orphanage and my paintings are the children. I want to find them good homes, I want them to belong in someone's life and make a difference. I want them to touch their parents' hearts, to be an extension of themselves. I want someone to walk past one and feel like they can't live without that, they must take it home. Somedays I fear I will be surrounded by my paintings forever, that my "children" will never be "adopted". What if they don't touch someone's life? What if they don't find their match? What if I am Miss Hannigan and Daddy Warbucks only comes for Annie and the other 32 paintings surround me forever?
I know I need to move past the fears of those thoughts. Doubt stops the progress. Most days I continue to work on new paintings and ideas. I can only control my efforts to continue painting. I can only control the vision that I have and put it onto canvas. The safe part of my job is painting what others ask me to paint. I come into a home and paint the requested mural or painting to match an exhisting decor. The scary part for me is when I put myself out there with my personal work. What then? Who, if anyone likes that? Is it speaking to anyone besides me?
I will never stop painting, it is like oxygen to me. And I will keep my goals out in front of me, reaching toward them at all times. But if I haven't been heard from in a while, check my studio, the pile of paintings may have buried me alive. Until then, I look forward to the day my paintings hang in a gallery, and to my first solo art exhibit, and to my first entrance into the Plaza Art Fair, someday...
Sometimes I feel like I run an orphanage and my paintings are the children. I want to find them good homes, I want them to belong in someone's life and make a difference. I want them to touch their parents' hearts, to be an extension of themselves. I want someone to walk past one and feel like they can't live without that, they must take it home. Somedays I fear I will be surrounded by my paintings forever, that my "children" will never be "adopted". What if they don't touch someone's life? What if they don't find their match? What if I am Miss Hannigan and Daddy Warbucks only comes for Annie and the other 32 paintings surround me forever?
I know I need to move past the fears of those thoughts. Doubt stops the progress. Most days I continue to work on new paintings and ideas. I can only control my efforts to continue painting. I can only control the vision that I have and put it onto canvas. The safe part of my job is painting what others ask me to paint. I come into a home and paint the requested mural or painting to match an exhisting decor. The scary part for me is when I put myself out there with my personal work. What then? Who, if anyone likes that? Is it speaking to anyone besides me?
I will never stop painting, it is like oxygen to me. And I will keep my goals out in front of me, reaching toward them at all times. But if I haven't been heard from in a while, check my studio, the pile of paintings may have buried me alive. Until then, I look forward to the day my paintings hang in a gallery, and to my first solo art exhibit, and to my first entrance into the Plaza Art Fair, someday...
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